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Submitted by: Cam Langdon
One of the great things about the Internet is the opportunities it creates to hide behind a mask of anonymity. To pretend to be someone else, or to at least exaggerate your own persona. Even to… lie.
Honestly!
So, to what extent should you be up-front about yourself in the world of online dating?
This is by no means an easy question, and one that can be answered in a number of ways. In fact, there are completely contrasting schools of thoughts about this very dilemma.
Firstly, there are those who advocate nothing but a 100% honesty policy. Be as truthful George Washington, don’t hold anything back about your past or your present circumstances. That way, there can be no nasty skeletons creeping out of your closet when the new online girlfriend or boyfriend discovers you have a less-than-clean past.
Okay, so the above approach means no surprises down the track, and your new partner will never be able to accuse you of lying. Great. In theory! However, there is the question of “crime by omission”. What if you leave something out? Is that actually lying, or is it akin to the gays in the army “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy?
In my opinion, it’s sometimes okay to leave out small indiscretions from your past (e.g., canceled driver’s license for being over the limit, small white-collar infractions etc.). Maybe you have tidied up your act to such an extent, that you are now a shining light and pillar of society. Should you bear the cross of previous misdeeds forever, announcing them to every prospective online date?
Of course not! You will have to make some judgment calls on the above issues of what sticky bits to “forget” to mention. In this regard, let your conscience be your guide. I mean, if I was to hand out lists of all the terrible/unlawful/stupid things I had done, then the number of prospective dates in my little black book would be a big fat zero. I would scare them all off! That’s not to mean I’m some kind of monster, it’s just that I’ve done more than my fair share of dumb-ass stunts. And, since we are dealing with the subject of truthfulness and/or lack thereof, you will probably see that your list of fouls is quite extensive too!
So, in order to increase your chances of meeting someone via Internet dating, be sure to mention any really big mistakes you have made, otherwise you will be in trouble later. However, there is definitely no need to write a “confession”! Keep some mystery about yourself.
If your online romance winds up heading for the altar, then I suggest “all” matters are brought out into the open. You don’t need Dr. Phil to tell you that much!
That’s the “serious” stuff out of the way. What about the minor untruths, such as those about your appearance and job that go on your online profiles? Surely here we can tell a few “little white lies”.
Despite the overwhelming consensus to the contrary, I am going to say that “yes, a few little white lies are okay”. Now, that may come as a shock, especially since my policy has consistently been to be completely honest.
What I’m talking about here is just “jazzing it up” a little bit. It’s no more and no less than what advertising people do to get your money. Ever noticed that the size of the burger on television seems much bigger than the one you get at the fast-food restaurant? Yep, but it doesn’t stop you from going back there, time after time, to get the same thing, even though it doesn’t quite measure up to the promise.
You can employ a similar tactic in your online dating. In other words, accentuate (okay, exaggerate) the good points as much as you can.
Your photo, for example, can be the most flattering one in your collection, even though it is not truly representative of the way you look most of the time. We all have pictures that somehow turn you from your normal self into something magically a bit better, don’t we? Then that’s the picture to put on your profile!
The trick is to enhance what you have without outright lying. Learn to use the odd “euphemism”.
If you are a garbage collector, say you are a “sanitation engineer”. Unemployed – the classic “between jobs” doesn’t really fool too many folks these days, but it’s better than admitting you have no job, right? You could say you are taking time out to recharge your batteries, researching a novel, doing volunteer work… see what I mean? No harm done if you use one of these lines.
So, my overriding advice on this issue is as follows: be as truthful as you possibly can, and if you are going to bend the truth, just do it a tiny little bit and only when it cannot do any real harm. Unless, of course, your date has a dad with a lie-detector who looks like Robert de Niro!
Happy dating!
About the Author: Cam Langdon dispenses free online dating advice for guys
onlinedatingtipsformen.com
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